your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
