Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
