This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it wasn't lemon gatorade
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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