their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
