bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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