...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
