her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
