Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
