I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
