quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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