Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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