I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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