Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
vagina is talking i cant
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
