I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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