my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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