I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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