chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
