If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize