He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
