Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
