Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
