I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I puked a lego.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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