I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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