Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
jump out the window naked night went bad
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize