pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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