you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
