turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
vagina is talking i cant
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just high enough for therapy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
