just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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