I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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