I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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