Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize