This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
