Soap is not a condiment
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
