i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize