Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
