My room smells like vodka and shame
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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