you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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