I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
