I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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