His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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