i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
