Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he fucked my hip out of place.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
