remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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