i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize