She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
