Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
