Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
In America we eat man semen.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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