Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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