Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
