Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
