So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
