Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
