I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
