Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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