ya dads aren't the best wingmen
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
