Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
