If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
