Ambien. No doubt about it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
