Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
