Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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