apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
