You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
