You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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