I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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