whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
