The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize