It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
