I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
