Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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