i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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